Featuring Guest Blogger from Momtisms

http://momtisms.blogspot.com/

Bio: I am the mother of two boys, ages 10 and 13, with ASD and other co-morbid conditions. Each of them are truly unique with their own gifts and challenges. Our youngest received his diagnosis at the age of 3. Our oldest was diagnosed later when we started recognizing some similar symptoms. However, they presented differently as he was deemed "higher functioning".

This mom has become a really good friend of mine. We have many things in common and are both strong autism advocates. Her blog is awesome. This post is just a glimpse. It is real life, it is autism. It is called spectrum for a reason. Have a good read and enjoy!! - Dany

A Parade of Empathy

I remember when Nugget was 3 and we were going through all the required testing prior to receiving the autism diagnosis. "Lack of empathy" was always one I checked off, for obvious reasons. He simply did not show empathy or seem to appropriately respond, or tune in to others emotions. Even if he was the cause of such emotions. If another person cried, he seemed oblivious to this fact. He never changed what he was doing or how he was acting, in response.

It was unbearably cold outside during the St. Patrick's Day parade this past year. Nugget was covering his ears as he always does if their are sounds he doesn't like. The marching band that went by was really loud, but we knew he had been to louder parades before. This just happened to be one of those days. He was not in a good mood because they had forgotten to put ketchup on his cheeseburger at the food stand. My husband and I were doing everything we could to keep him engaged during the parade. This day he was not going to have any part of the parade and would rather run up and down the sidewalks. I joined him in running, trying to initiate a game of tag. I didn't mind since it also helped keep us a little warmer. "Tag, your it, Mom!". Finally, a smile and laughter. We had overcome the cheeseburger incident and went back to where hubby and Bear were standing. He seemed to be enjoying the parade this time and even threw some of his candy over to some little girls sitting across the street from us. They had not been quick enough to grab any of the candy flying around and Nugget had noticed this. I was surprised. What made him notice? He is usually so absorbed in his own thoughts and actions, I thought.

Finally, the parade was done. Hubby had found a neighbor and was standing talking to him. Still cold, Bear, Nugget and I walked into an open school building where people were gathering to get warm. Bear and Nugget were standing behind me against a wall. I turned to look to see if hubby had followed. When I turned back, I noticed that Nugget was nowhere to be seen. Panic quickly set in. I asked Bear where his brother went. He pointed straight ahead, through a crowd of people. Nugget loves the color orange, so we had bought him an orange winter coat.  We always dress him in bright clothes since it is easier to spot him in a crowd, but looking around, I did not see him anywhere. I told Bear to stay where he was and I pushed my way through the crowd to find Nugget. I finally spotted his orange coat. But what was he doing? It looked like he was trying to lift a little boy up. I didn't recognize this child and scanned to see if a parent was close by. No one was reacting to what Nugget was doing. I started running towards him. As I approached, I saw a water fountain and realized immediately that Nugget was trying to lift this little boy up to the water fountain. I just stood and observed. Nugget wasn't much taller than the boy he was helping. He persevered, struggling to lift him up. Finally, he was able to lift the boy all the way up to the fountain. Nugget watched the little boy drinking and patiently waiting. I just stood there, dumbfounded. The boys mom had been standing right there. She turned and thanked Nugget for helping. I nodded to her, still a little surprised at what I had just seen and relieved that this time no explanations or apologies were required. We could just walk away, proudly mind you. I couldn't help but wonder what had changed. When did it change? I could not see any amount of therapy producing this seemingly natural way he had noticed and empathized with the little girls not getting any candy and noticing a little boy struggling to reach the water fountain.

It was during the St. Patrick's Day parade this year, that I learned that the term "lack of empathy" should either be reworded or stricken from every autism checklist in existence. Nugget, who has had many anxiety and behavioral issues throughout his nine years on this planet, and still does, has proven to me that this "symptom" is quite inaccurate. Their is absolutely no lack of empathy. No therapy did this, I did not do this. It was there all along, just waiting to come out.

 

Featuring Guest Blogger from Words and Dexterity

http://www.wordsanddexterity.com/

Bio - My name is T L Holliday. I have a huge mind that can sometimes get me in trouble, but I mostly use it to educate ignorance.

I totally recommend this awesome page. It speaks volumes. The words, the art, the photos. It is all there. This is the kind of stuff that needs to be spread around the internet like wildfire. It is food for the soul. Have a good time reading this guest blog post and when you have the chance, I recommend that you go on over to her website and experience the amazingness that is unleashed from a super creative soul. One who I love very much and am very proud of. Even if she was not my niece, I would say all of this because I totally mean it.

xo Namaste, Dany

Photo taken by Holliday (it is my son's hand and a puzzle piece he was playing with outside a few summers ago)

 

#CONTINUETOEDUCATE2015

Something that never fails to astound me is the lack of humanity in the world. Everyone is worried about who's doing what, who's doing who, who's getting what and how much of it. What does any of what other people do have to do with your life? Why do you care about how someone else identifies? They're not doing it to personally hurt you or to make you feel uncomfortable. SURPRISE! The reason they do anything has absolutely nothing to do with you. Stop judging people based on their race, sexual orientation, gender, religious beliefs, just stop judging people period.

There is no race except the human race. We are a species. We only have different skin tones to better suit the geographical areas we live in. Take animals for example; there are many different species and breeds of animals depending on where you are in the world. Some can survive easier in parts of the world that others cannot because they are born with the traits necessary for life in those regions. But they don't kill each other because of it, they use it to survive. So when someone is racist and violent towards another person that is literally telling you that they have more basic human rights than that person because their skin color differs.

I also don't understand the need to label everything. Why do you need to put me in a category? And then get upset if I tell you that I don't fit in that category? Everyone needs to understand that sexuality and gender is fluid. Being born with certain sexual organs does not determine what your gender is. Each individual person decides for themselves what gender they feel they are, not the gender roles forced upon them by society. Same thing with sexuality. As a human you are attracted or not attracted to someone based on the person they are, not about what's between their legs. Society teaches you to assume everyone is a cisgender heterosexual until told otherwise. We need to teach our kids to not assuming anyone is anything and to accept people for who they are.

Religion is another touchy subject, but I'll shed a little light on it. I have no problem with religion, the problem I have is, again, with the people who "practice" it. I say "practice" because religion is supposed to be personal, not displayed for the world to see and shoved down everyone's throat. And just like gender and sexuality, it is something you yourself decide what best fits how you feel. Religion is your personal relationship with whatever god(s) you believe in, not a love triangle between you, your god, and the rest of the world. There are many different religions and spiritual practices in the world, so it makes absolutely no sense when people try to enforce their religion onto other people as if their religion is the only religion. It also has no business being in law enforcement, but I'll save that for another day.

Being a human is like being an animal; we all look different, have different sets of skills, and were put on this earth unwillingly without a hand book. But for some reason animals have a better understanding of how to live, and they're so simple yet complex to us. How can the very things we call wild and unpredictable be more human and understanding of how life works than actual humans? How can they co-exist with so many other species and manage not to destroy each other or the earth? They stay in their lane, that's how! They take care of each other and their habitats, they don't shit where they sleep.

Just take a second and sit down. Zoom out of your own life right now and picture the world as a whole. All the different countries on different continents spread out in a big ball of ocean. Now zoom out of that image and picture all the planets in our solar system. Now zoom out of that. What do you see? Some people know what that actually looks like and others never even thought to imagine that such a thing exists. It does, and even beyond that exists. There are billions of other solar systems in billions of other galaxies. Just imagine what could be out there. How small does that make your life seem? Small enough to realize all the bullshit in your life? And that most of the things you do, say, and think are pointless because now you see that you were only doing those things because you're a product of society? If it did then you're one of the lucky ones who has the ability to broaden and take their minds to the next level. And if it didn't then hopefully one day it will.

So to end this post I'll just say,

Love yourself, love your neighbor, love your earth and you'll be happier for it I promise.

- T L Holliday